A Day in the Life of Cid Highwind
by Melody-chan
Summary: An interesting version of Cid's day. Contains many... naughty words, shall we say? Those faint of heart should not read.


A Day in the Life of Cid Highwind

A Day in the Life of Cid Highwind

By: Melody-chan

Cid: Goddamit! Where's that damn Turk? 

Yuffie: I don't know. Why don't you sit down with me and… 

Cid: Go to hell!! Where's Vincent? 

Yuffie: Would you shut up about Vincent? 

Cid: No! Kiss my ass!! *storms out* 

[Walks into the bar where Barrett is drinking] 

Cid: Dammit sonofabitch argghhh!! 

Barret: Nice ta see you too, Cid. 

Cid: Shove it!! I'm in no mood to take your shit!!! 

Barrett: Can't find Vincent again? 

Cid: Kiss my ass!! 

Barrett: Nope, gotta find Vincent for that… 

Cid: Arggghhh!!! *storms out* 

[Bumps into Yuffie right outside the bar] 

Cid: Leave me the fuck alone! 

Yuffie: But Cid… 

Cid: Arrggghhhh!!! *storms away* 

[Finds Hojo in a weird laboratory]

Cid: Have you seen my Vincent? 

Hojo: Who haven't I seen? Would you like to test my new vaccine? 

Cid: No! Get the fuck away from me!! 

Hojo: Get back here!! *chases Cid with needle* 

Cid: Crazy-ass madman!! Godammit!! 

Hojo: Dammit, hold still!! 

Cid: Argghh!!! Go to hell and leave me alone!! Damn hell ass crazy scientist!! *storms out* 

[Runs into Yuffie outside the laboratory] 

Cid: You fucking chasing me? 

Yuffie: Cid, I love you! 

Cid: Fuck it!! Get the hell away!! *storms away* 

[Finds a Chocobo and rides out into the desert] 

Cid: Have you seen Vincent? 

Chocobo: Waaark? 

Cid: Fucking stupid bird!! 

Chocobo: Waark!! 

Cid: Kiss my ass!! 

Chocobo: Waark waark waaaaark!! *stops short, sending Cid flying off* Waark waark!! 

Cid: Goddamn impertinent sonofabitch!! 

[Runs into Yuffie again] 

Cid: You fucking crazy? 

Yuffie: We belong together, Cid! 

Cid: The fuck we do!! *storms off* 

[Goes back to Rocket Town] 

Vincent: Where's Cid? 

Cid: How the hell should I know? Where's Vincent? 

Vincent: Haven't seen him all day. 

Cid: Damn stupid Turk!! *storms off* 

[Runs into Yuffie yet -again-] 

Cid: Damn stupid woman!! You aimin' to get yourself killed? 

Yuffie: Cid, why don't you love me? 

Cid: As it -that- wasn't fucking obvious! *storms off* 

[Goes to the Tiny Bronco] 

Cid: Have you seen Vincent anywhere? 

Tiny Bronco: I'm a fucking plane!! 

Cid: You don't have to be so goddamn happy about it!! *storms off* 

[Goes to the Shinra Mansion] 

Cid: Where's Vincent, you asshole? 

Hidden Number: What the hell are you talking about? 

Cid: WHERE'S MY VINCENT? 

Hidden Number: You wanna fight me or not? 

Cid: Shove it up your ass!! *storms out* 

[Goes to Midgar Psychological] 

Cid: Where's my fucking Vincent? 

Nurse: If you'll wait for just a moment, I'll check the records. 

Cid: Fuck that!! *storms into the ward* 

Nurse: But you can't go in there! 

Cid: Shove it!! 

[Inside the Ward]

Cid: Damn crazy idiot, where's my Vincent? 

Sephiroth: Huh? 

Cid: Where's Vincent, you crackhead!! I want my Vincent!! 

Sephiroth: Hi, my name is Sephiroth and I lost my mind several years ago. If you would like to leave a message, please wait for the tone. 

Cid: What the fuck? 

Sephiroth: TTTTOOOOOONNNNEEE!!!! 

Cid: Shit! *storms out* 

[Back at the Bar] 

Barret: He's not here, man. 

Cid: Dammit!! *storms out* 

[Runs into Yuffie for the six hundredth time] 

Cid: I ain't fucking talking to you! *storms off* 

Yuffie: Ciiiiiiiid… 

[At the Golden Saucer] 

Cait Sith: So, you're obviously doomed to die because of these lines in your palm. 

Man: I paid money for this? 

Cait Sith: Fork it over, bitch!! 

Man: That was a bunch of bullshit!! 

Cait Sith: No shit, Sherlock! 

Man: Crazy damn cat freak!! 

Cait Sith: Get the hell out if you're not gonna pay!! 

Cid: Where's Vincent? 

Cait Sith: I can read your palm and tell you. 

Cid: Don't give me that bullshit!! 

Cait Sith: It'll cost you some materia!! 

Cid: Fuck no!! I'm thinking you tell me where he is, or you get your fucking head blown off!! 

Cait Sith: You don't have a gun, dumbass!! 

Cid: The hell I don't! *pulls out Death Penalty* 

Cait Sith: That's Vincent's! 

Cid: No fucking shit! 

Cait Sith: I don't know where he is! 

Cid: Fucking useless cat!! *storms out* 

[Back home] 

Vincent: Have a nice day? 

Cid: Yeah. Terrorized everyone. *cackles* You shoulda seen the look on Cait Sith's face when I pulled the Death Penalty on him!! 

Vincent: Priceless, I'm sure. 

Cid: And how. *hands back the Death Penalty* I think I'll get something to eat. 


End file.
